I make the joke that 2018 was basically two years in one for me.
Because looking back on January 1, 2018 and yesterday (New Years Eve 2018) I don’t feel like the same person.
Everything in my life changed this year. Literally everything I was used to.
Last New Years I had bronchitis. I was extremely sick after wandering D.C. with a cold in 30-40° weather for two days. To me that should have been a sign that 2018 was going to be a shit show haha.
January, I gained a promotion in my job. (Yay!)
February, I found out I needed to have a lumpectomy for breast tumor Norma.
March, I had said surgery.
April 1st…was one of the worst days ever and the days following. Which led to us saying goodbye to one of our dogs.
May, I graduated from college and turned 24 (yay!) on the same day but was crying during my college graduation ceremony because my at the time boyfriend didn’t show up.
The end of May and June were both a blur for me personally. A lot of personal things changed and set the path for an even bigger change.
July, I ended a 6 year chapter of my life and basically started over.
From January to July I cried a lot. I was extremely depressed and I honestly didn’t realize how depressed I was until I ended everything. I had lost weight due to stress and basically chain smoking. I was drinking very heavily after I broke things off for about a month or almost two. I went out a lot more than before because I could. I felt numb. Like I didn’t really know what to do because it was like a huge weight was gone.
Then it was like a light switch.
I started laughing more. I started doing better at both jobs. I was able to concentrate more on me.
I started to feel happy again. My nightmares started to go away (that I had been having for about eight months) and I wasn’t waking up in the middle of the night panicked. Friends and family stated they saw a difference in my demeanor and just saw how happy I was overall.
I became more open to letting people in again. My coworkers and friends talked me into dating again because I was scared to. At first I was worried about what people would think. “Oh my gosh she moved on so fast!” “Oh wow it’s only been a couple months.” “She obviously didn’t love ______” the list went on in my head. Then those around me told me that the people who matter know everything and won’t judge me.
So I said fuck it. The support was overwhelming and it was actually wonderful.
When I say 2018 felt like two years it’s because one felt very dark and very lonely and the other one was a breath of fresh air and full of happiness and love. As corny as fuck as that sounds but literally I can’t think of anything bad that has happened since July for me. I even quit smoking.
If 2018 taught me anything it’s that sometimes you have to do what scares you to do what’s best for you. There is no rule book. You have to do it on your own.
Here’s to 2019. If it’s anything like my last couple months then bring it on.
Sounds like the journey you needed. Congrats on going into 2019 with postivitiy!
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