Tag Archives: Music

It’s been a while hasn’t it…

There’s no rhyme or reason to this post.

Life has been extremely busy lately. I finally have a moment to take a breather and then come August 21st it will be back to crazy busy time.

I had the worst semester ever of college. Anything aside from writing or history….basically anything dealing with mathematics and science…makes my head hurt. I’ve come to terms that my brain just does not like to work that and that’s okay.

Basically when it comes to school I have to stay on my shit because of my grant. There’s literally no time to be slack because when I’m slack it goes bye bye and I’m on a time line and goals etc.

A few weeks ago I was offered an internship with a local paper in Charleston and actually ended up turning it down because I was concerned about my schedule. I had just switched jobs and was extremely stressed about school and even though I was extremely excited about the paper I knew it was poor timing. Last semester I did have the opportunity to intern with Live 5, which I’m just realizing I completely forgot to actually document and write about my experience there so…I will at some point but for now (haha) I interned there!

I will be interning hopefully at a few places this fall. One is confirmed and one is still pending. Both will be awesome and I’ll be thrilled with even just the one I know I have. That being said, I really fucking hope I get both! Both are music related.

It blows my mind how different this time last year was. Last year I was working on trying to go back to school, was kind of depressed actually because I was very unhappy with my work life. I felt stuck. I hadn’t created this blog yet and just did not know what to do about anything. Which sounds so stupid now, but it took a little advice to get me to get off my ass and just email everyone and everywhere I could think of. Like if someone told me last year that I would have interned at Live 5 News, got to hang in a radio studio,  had been offered an internship with Charleston City Paper, Music Farm and a radio station and a marketing company…..I would have laughed hysterically in their face. Also, my goal for 2017 was to basically make it my bitch. I didn’t wanna stress over everything anymore and because of that we went on a trip, we’ve been to a few concerts and shows this year when before we maybe went to like…one…which for us is abnormal because we’re both music people. Plus, I have two shows coming up. Ed Sherran and Foo Fighters!

I may have a little more debt than last year but I’m not panicking over it because when we spoke with someone about a house I actually found out I’m not really bad off. But I’m more content, and less stressed for the most part because let’s be honest I’m always a stressed mess.

Where life is getting more on the track I want work and business related wise…friend wise…is still struggling. I am trying. I said in a post a while a back that I was going to make more of an attempt to either A make friends or B make time to see old friends. I’ve kind of done both (lol like I said I’m working on it). It’s honestly just difficult for me. I know when I get busy I’m a hard friend to have. Shit. I’m a hard girlfriend to have when I’m super busy I don’t know how Brandon has handled it. He kind of hasn’t actually sometimes. We’re not perfect. But who is really. Anyways, I still have like two- three solid friends aside from Brandon. I say two to four because one I feel is on the edge and so it’s kind of like “well I don’t really know”. One is still states away (damn you…lol jk) and one I’ve had for years and we just have been busy with life. For her literally because she made life where as me sometimes I can’t even find my damn shoes. I still wish I had more but not even like more more just like…a few to call up and be like “hey let’s do something!” Ya know? Prob not. Ya prob have loads.

Moral of this ramblefest of a post is that. I’m working on it. I was so gung ho about keeping up with this blog that I had fallen behind due to everything else in my life. Which in a way is good because that means I’m not just doing nothing right?

I’ve got my eye on a camera to take better photos of things since yes my iPhone is nice…sometimes the focus still blows.

I’ve got a slight plan. It’s like a day to day “let’s see what happens” kind of plan but it’s a plan. Yeah..

If you’ve made it this far, comment on my Instagram Life’s Sidebar the word….or emoji….watermelon 🍉 because why not. 🙃🤷🏻‍♀️

Truly A Day To Remember

This post is so fucking delayed and I apologize. Life has been very very busy.

So let’s pretend that it is April 30th shall we?

Now, some may not know who they are…but then some will know that this is A Day To Remember. They’re an alternative rock band and have been a long time favorite of mine for quite some time now. Almost ten years to be exact.
So when I found out they were going to be at Rockfest this year it was immediately decided that we were going. It was my second time seeing them and my boyfriend’s first time.

The other bands from what I heard were very good too. We relaxed most of the day and just enjoyed the music.

You can check out videos on my Instagram Life’s Sidebar and to check out more posts 😉

The set list did not disappoint. They started strong with Mr. Highway’s thinking about the end. The second I heard the opening chords I was transported to my 16 year old self. They led into 2nd Sucks next, another great one. I’m made of wax, Larry what are you made of?, We got this, Homesick, Naivety, All I want, Have faith in me….the band took a moment to speak to the crowd. I personally love when bands do this but I know some just want to hear the music. Jeremy wanted people to crowd surf while standing on crowd surfers. Some people did it and it was awesome to say the least.

Before the next song I was quietly chanting “plot panhandle, plot panhandle..” over and over again. Not loud enough for many to hear but to my shock the next song was indeed The Plot to bomb the panhandle. I lost my boyfriend to one of the most pits (yes, there were two!) when “I make my stand, right here with my friends” and the breakdown started. He somehow hurt his shoulder during this and I have been hearing about it since. I had a bruise on my foot for about two weeks actually from being stepped on. We are definitely not young teens anymore.

At this point in time we all thought this was the final song. This had been already a long but great show and day so I had accepted that it was done.

But then…the chants for an encore began. So I said fuck it and began chanting “one more song. one more song!” along with the crowd.

The guys came back out and were like “so we got the impression that you wanted more!” and played an acoustic version of If it means a lot to you.

We all either raised our lighters or held out phones up and obviously sang along. It was beautiful I may add.

The song ended and Jeremy states, “actually as a band we decided to not just play one encore song but three.”

All signs point to Lauderdale began and so did the tossing of toilet paper rolls.

Last but my no means least. The crowd started to chant “downfall” and they were joking on stage saying how “they voted to no longer play that song”. Lies!

The picture below is from the finale and just after the final notes from Downfall of us all when the confetti flew through the air. img_8659

The show had ended. The day had ended. We were all exhausted but had enjoyed it all.

Even though the show was awesome….them coming to town brought me actually more joy because I booked them where I work. I hadn’t realized it until about a week prior to when the show was. So you can imagine my excitement and also my disappointment because I couldn’t speak to them. As pictured above I got to do the meet and greet and say hello but I couldn’t be like “hey guys! How was your night at _____?” in front of everyone ha-ha.

I did get to meet their manager Marvin briefly the morning after the show and he was very nice. I impressed their “people” I guess because they were very happy with the work I did for them. I was given a free ticket to the festival even though I had purchased mine months in advance. Marvin got caught up so it was not there when I arrived so my friend had to purchase hers, but either way it was a nice gesture!

The morning after the show was a treat for me because when I arrived they were leaving shortly after. So when I left my office they were all out there preparing to leave and I got to see them not as the band that I have loved but as normal average guys drinking their coffee just chatting with each other. I had to keep my cool obviously but it will always be a memory that I can look back on.

Below are some pictures! It was a great day, or “a day to remember” 🙂

The Serena to my Blair

Disclaimer: This is a very personal post. If you can’t handle talk of death, depression, anxiety, suicide or anything personal without judgement please just skip this post. Thank you. Xoxo.

img_3172Today is a rough day for me personally. I’m often reminded and people don’t skip a beat to say how sorry they are that I no longer have a best friend. I’m writing this one to get it out…but two…a lot of people ask about her and what happened and this year..I’m getting it out.
Her name was Brianna, but she went by Bri. On April 1, 2014 she died of a heart attack after having the flu and going into a coma. They think she had an autoimmune disease. She was 20 years old, 17 days from 21. I know what you’re thinking… crazy shit right.
We were fighting when she passed. I was very angry with her. She dropped me off at an airport in Dallas where I missed my flight…she said later on it was because she was sad I was having to leave.

972850_744956325524482_1670703376_nWhen it happened I suffered from a lot of guilt because we had just gone to a festival two weeks before hand and it was cold and raining…and I kept thinking…if we had only left sooner…if we only would have stayed home…if she would have listened to me she wouldn’t have gotten sick and died. But God has a different plan…obviously. I remember the day she passed as if I was an outsider looking in. I got two calls during the day…to prepare myself. Then at around 6:30pm…well you get the picture. I was getting out my car. I had just picked up Brandon from work. He had seen the look on my face and asked if she was getting any better..then I got the call. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed so loud, or cried so hard. Brandon held me up when I just wanted to fall to the ground and give up on life. Because I was so angry. I went through the stages very fast and not in “order”. I went from sad to pissed off within days. A couple days before the funeral I met an old friend of ours for lunch to catch up and talk about it all…and I will never forget the sweet waitress. She overheard my conversation with my mom as I was waiting. Came and apologized for overhearing…and gave me advice about grief. She had lost her father. Not long after she walked away “wonderwall” by Oasis came on the radio. One of mine and Bri’s favorite songs and I thought…I’ll get through this.

1621899_808439449170838_2125040400_nLast fall one of my coworkers saw this picture and asked “is that your sister?” I replied “not by blood but yes”. Then she went on to say how we favored each other. We were opposites actually.
But we were like sisters but better. We could go from not speaking for months to it feeling like no time had passed and we forgave each other for literally everything. She hated my boyfriend (Brandon and I have been together for 5 years now) and he wasn’t very fond of her. Ironically, they were very much alike. I think that’s why they never got along. The one time they met I was so excited because the two people I cared about were finally meeting. So of course…they bickered the entire night.

Bri was hot headed and a spit fire when mad. But she had a huge heart and was not very confident but didn’t let it show. I envied her for that to be honest. Two weeks before she died she told me she was jealous sometimes of me. We had different body types. We were picking out bathing suits in Walmart for a festival we were going to the next day. She said she had been going to counseling and had talked about our friendship. It blew my mind because I was always jealous of her because guys always seemed to like her without any issues and she was a talented writer and didn’t care what anyone thought of her.

I started high school in 2008. She was a grade ahead and she became my best friend right away. We both had rough childhoods in different ways and we shared a love of music. There was a time when I was 16 where we didn’t speak for quite some time, almost a year. It was the year I attempted suicide. Since my mom took my phone after it happened Bri found out from the people at school gossiping. Shortly after her mom banned her from talking to me. For that I will forever hate that woman. I think she will forever hate me too. Aside from her father’s side of the family and her sister…I was not the favorite friend.

The past three years have been extremely hard. I threw myself into work and school. Drifted apart from other friends and over time become very much a loner. I started to drink more after she passed because at first it helped. Over time it stopped because when I would drink I’d get emotional and it would end up pretty bad.
The first year was the worst. The second year was bad in different ways because it became…more real I guess. The first months following her death were a blur. I started my first office job about five months after and it helped. The reason it was the worst was because I didn’t know how to go through life. It was a weird feeling. I wanted change so badly. I applied for a college out of state that I knew I couldn’t afford. I hated work because I just couldn’t stay put or concentrate on anything. I fought with Brandon over stuff that wasn’t a big deal and didn’t need to be fought about.
I had a group of girls I was best friends with when Bri passed. You can have more than one (she was still the OG though and she made sure of it lol) and after she died I know I changed. I just didn’t care as much anymore. I became more aware of life and how fucking stupid it can be sometimes. I got a low tolerance to stuff. One time I will never forget was maybe two months after Bri passed. I was talking with the girls and one said something and I jokingly called her a asshole or dumbass..one of the two and I will never forget her and another getting so mad and defensive not getting the joking tone. That’s when I realized honestly things were gonna be different. I wasn’t going to have the vulgar and inappropriate conversations anymore. The nights that we would rip each other apart being brutally honest because we didn’t sugar coat things. We knew if we did it wasn’t helpful or productive. I’d kill to have an argument with her right now. It’s weird I know.

It’s hard at 22, almost 23 now, to say “I don’t really have a best friend”. I love my boyfriend don’t get me wrong and he is my best friend…but a girl best friend is different. She was my go to when I was down and no matter the time we would go to where ever for each other. Having your other side of you die at 19 when you are still working through life…it’s just hard. We in different ways needed each other. What’s funny is that when we first met she wasn’t too fond of me, I mean like the first day because we started talking and hit it off shortly after.
10157046_744956328857815_2061394059_nWe were both socially awkward in a way. She was very outgoing when she wanted to be, but lacked confidence. Which like I said before blew my mind because unless you knew her personally…you would never know really. It’s hard to make friends now actually. Because I’m finding it is hard to relate to most my age. I have a couple (and when I say a couple I mean literally like 3) friends I would say I’m close with. But again it’s different. And different is fine but when you don’t really share the same taste in music or views or the ability to call them up and say “hey asshole” or some other vulgar term…
I’m not gonna lie. Being an adult finding friends you can be yourself is tough shit. It really is. I feel awkward trying. It is like “hey wanna be my friend because I kinda don’t have any”. It sounds pathetic! Even worse saying when I get asked about my tattoo (pictured above) and when I respond “it’s my best friends memorial tattoo”….the look never gets easier or the “oh my gosh I’m so sorry”. I sometimes wish I would have gotten it more hidden but then again it’s perfect the way it is. img_3175

I pushed people away after because it was easier to just be alone. I was too fragile to pretend like I was okay all the time. Sometimes I still have a hard time and it has been three years. The year before last around Christmas I got down and I wanted everything I could make perfect to be perfect because I felt like my life was anything but, even know it was not and is not a bad life. I was just in a weird spot. I started speaking to old friends to maybe ease up the weird feeling I was having. I guess looking for a sense of normal. I would snap at Brandon when he was just trying to help. I think without him I would have crumbled. He held me up the day it happened in his front yard as I screamed…and in many ways he is still holding me up.

I feel weird writing this but at the same time it’s okay. We all have our demons. If you made it this far bravo. If you knew her or I personally and you read this. Don’t judge. Please. Until you walk a mile in their shoes….
Bri doll, I love you and miss you. Three years has gone by extremely fast but slow at the same time.